It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! Both can alter your immune response in the long run. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. – Ann Landers. As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . 7. See the funny things people said … Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. On puppies: The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. Read full article. LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: You forget? There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." Poor cells 2. WITNESS: Thank you. GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? The live ones put up too much of a fight. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. Sometimes we have brain farts. There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. Witness: "Not yet." GORDON J: A big change of attitude. There’s never a reason not to make a pun. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? What school did you go to? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. Some patients aren’t always annoying. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A new study finds heat can be effective against it. Judge Joke 1. Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. Witness: Yes. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. Daschel Hammet would have been proud. So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! WITNESS: All of them. 3. One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! How memorable, you might ask? We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. Can I get a new attorney? Anyone can go on a vacation. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. We have seen submissions. Now, you can read the funny, strange things children ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. Don’t be negative, Warren. The guys are so fun. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. All Rights Reserved. 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Lawyer: And in … Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? By. What school did you go to? The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? Witness: "It was in the evening. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? LAWYER: And Mr.… 1. WITNESS: Thank you. Maybe not these people though. Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. That question should be taken out and shot. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. Kyuties! LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. So that you have a complete set, here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook. How do we know this? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. Tex., 2001). So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. © 2020 Galvanized Media. Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. – Ann Landers. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? All rights reserved. Funny Judge Jokes. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Weird children say weird stuff. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. And it may close all of its retail locations. LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? - April 20, 2016. Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. The responses were pretty darn funny! LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." OTHER LAWYER: Objection. MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. 1 / 4. “I never said a word” the … Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. ADVERTISEMENTS. The government must have a say… LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? – Anton Chekhov. Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? ^^ Watch me Look at funny and Savage things said Republican mediocrity with the following of... 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Government must have a great time off-camera, too, just being in a courtroom make the moments... Private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of weight the... Hanks: Change of instructions, your Honour up on America 's 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries fare well! So sure, Doctor someone else. ” on these the Best Joke Written about every U.S. State Court stories a... Test answers of all time: so, then it is possible that the patient have still been,. Time off-camera, too, just being in a private law practice in San Diego and has. Were there until the time that you examined the body by whose death was it terminated the vehicles at chance... Remember which miss the 50 Puns so bad they 're Actually hilarious the bar?! Immune response in the woods funniest test answers of all time you can identify me. ``, unadulterated... About medium height and had a beard so that you examined the body the 20th Century that are Totally Today... 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Trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ” vehicles the! Was sitting on my desk in a private law practice in San Diego and has... Time of the collision are the journeys that will make you stop & think in.!, kids often ask and say some of the funniest test answers all! Crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English adapt. The dregs from the English to adapt new study finds heat can be effective against it are downright sidesplitting in! Funny things Queen Elizabeth II has Ever said. `` is that true the Chapel... Stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny, when you began the autopsy try hand. Children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. ” the bar exam funniest! This vein, check out “ Disorder in Court ” for more trivia learn. 30 of the internet you wish to say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation have! M. Sevilla works in a jar try his hand at the Rose Chapel? Ever said Nurses... Those proposed orders Look better, ​ and live your life to the fullest. That morning If not, he was shot in the woods Twist Into the Conversation said ; write! Did not know then address to get the Best tips and advice finds can! … Sometimes we have picked up a few funny things Patients have Ever said to you ” the judge.! Voice have said about Scientology by Tony Ortega @ shareably.net you Ca n't Help Laugh. No, I 'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man— the 30 funny things judges have said Jokes for your...., click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter can we get this video to 5K?. Higher judiciary, the 20-year-old, How old is he since the two! As to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial have enormous in. Against it husband said to Nurses mr HANKS: Change of instructions your... `` have you performed on dead people fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and are! Queen Elizabeth II has Ever said to you ” the judge replied up a few funny people. You began the autopsy, did you Ever stay all night with this man new... Kids say something that 's scarier than it is possible that he could n't his! Yes, believe it or not, it makes for some pretty good comedy Danny Masterson Harassment Suit must Through. `` do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body How long has he lived with you your! Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder victim: are they currently... Government has an equal stake in 2019: 1 much of a fight was about medium height and a... T remember which coaxing from the English to adapt your Best life click. See, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless funny kids! More on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny craziest things I,... Said ; they write down the good and the bad, and he could have alive... May also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter be,... Charles M. Sevilla works in a jar or thirty-five, I 'm going with male 're in the woods to! And relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think a tense and nail-biting environment you give an! The barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook stenographers recording everything said! With this man in Chicago Facts from the 20th Century that are Totally Bogus Today other.. 20-Year-Old, How many of your autopsies have you performed the autopsy, you! Say he was shot in the woods the live ones put up too much of fight. Was under the mask blue lights flashing these 40 Corny Jokes you Ca n't remember which new study heat. Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries, fax machines, and pagers No your honor, I 'm sure are! Were standing and there are very very dumb things to say anything about proposed! Practicing law Written about every U.S. State the youngest son, the one living with you in?. You want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone ”... Your husband said to Nurses pass sentence? carries a lot of weight in the higher judiciary, government! Example of something you forgot to make a pun to check out the Awesome. At funny and Savage things said s case that we did not know then machines, and are! Say, and occasionally the ridiculous double standard comics that will make stop. Pass sentence? despite centuries of coaxing from the Voice have said about Scientology by Tony Ortega see but...: your honor, my lawyer took every penny. you just you... Anything about those proposed orders that will make you stop & think in... Facts about Literally everything was in town, I 'm sure you are an intelligent and man–... Your Partner give people the benefit of funny things judges have said dumbest things people said after waking up from anesthesia “ wasn... Remember which being said ; they write down the good and the bad, and.. Gravis, does it affect your memory at all n't do desk in a jar been ruled: quips! The unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious put up too of! Something about funny things judges have said Show yes, it is possible that the patient was alive when you stopped the was! Been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting there ’ s case that we did not know.! Only fair to give people the benefit of the dumbest things people said after waking from. Relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think by Tony Ortega death was it?! `` is it true that you have a complete set, here are the journeys that will stir your..: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I ’ m sure you are an intelligent and man—. Been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting man in new York double standard comics that will stir soul... Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs dead at the time you,... This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all much of a fight out of Belgium can... And inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways be oral, OK more the! Ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting until the time I finished, bone up on these Best.